3 years later.

Some moments from that day I remember like it was yesterday. Some are a total blur.

It was Friday.

I remember the phone ringing early, before 7, and rolling over thinking, "Who in the world is calling so early?"

Mom answered the phone in the hallway. Dad was in the shower. I was half-asleep, half-awake trying to figure out who was on the phone.

Mom sounded serious and worried when she went to get dad. I rolled out of bed to see what was going on.

I don't really remember what was said or how the rest happened. But it was Aunt Anne on the phone calling to say that Grandpa had passed away early that morning.

That day is a mix of blurs and things clear as day. I remember researching flights to NY for the next day, doing laundry, helping get suitcases ready, sending Mom to Nordstrom to buy a suit, etc. I remember Dad getting home from work and suggesting we go get Chipotle for dinner and maybe stop by Borders to get some books/magazines for the flight. I got so upset. I remember crying and saying that no one cared about what was really going on. Why weren't we talking about it? Why is no one packing? Nothing is done to leave tomorrow and we're going to go out!?

Everyone handles grief differently. Clearly I am someone who likes to get things done. Make a checklist and cross things off. Dad wanted us to clear our heads a little, get out of the house, and think about something else for a little bit. Some people need to talk about grief, some people never want to talk about it.

Three years later, we still miss them, but it's different than it was on that day. Every once in a while I think about how my future husband won't know or understand how wonderful these people were. My children won't know what it's like to be held by their great-grandma or think of their great-grandpa whenever they smell old spice or know the taste of cheese toast made in a toaster oven in Old Tappan.

This September my family will be participating in the Walk to End Alzheimer's in memory of these sweet people. Please consider walking or donating to support families living with Alzheimer's.

Ben Binford September 25, 1923 - August 13, 2010
Elsa Binford August 18, 1924 - September 22, 2010

Home.

Home, home, home! I am home for Thanksgiving and have so many things to be thankful for. First of all, I'm thankful I get to be home, because the last two years I was not. (holidays just aren't the same away from home). I'm thankful for the warm weather and sunshine- I'm wearing flip flops today! I'm thankful for the fridge full of food and the yummy smells coming from the kitchen. I'm thankful to be going out to celebrate my birthday tonight with my parents. I'm thankful to have family here tomorrow (even if it's not the original plan, it's still family). I'm thankful that I have friends who are just as excited to see me as I am to see them, even after we've been apart an extended amount of time. I'm thankful for Thanksgivings of the past and the memories that come with them. We always miss loved ones more around the holidays, and this one will be no different. Grandma & Grandpa, we wish you were here.

2008- the last time I was home for Thanksgiving, and the last time they came to visit us in California

There are at least a dozen pictures similar to this over the years. I miss playing cards with them.

My sweet Grandpa.

Someday we'll celebrate together again, but until then we miss you dearly.

He is Risen!

Happy Easter everyone! I hope we are all able to celebrate with family and friends and good food and take time out of our busy lives to remember what this day actually means for each of us. This morning at church the pastor spoke about how we are to live as Easter Christians in a Good Friday world. So many people continue to look for the risen Christ, or something to put their hope in, but we have found him! We know how the story ends. When Jesus' followers watched him crucified on Friday they didn't know exactly how the whole story would play out. We have it written for us. We can read the play by play in the Bible; we know that every year certain songs will be sung at church; we know what it means that Jesus has risen; we know that Easter lilies will be purchased; we know that certain people will be coming for lunch or dinner. As Christians, we know that Good Friday is just a stopping point on the way to hope and victory- not the end of the story! We are called to live as Easter Sunday Christians; as Christians who have hope and victory not just once a year, but every day all year long.

This year I was blessed to spend Easter with my Seattle church family and my SPU family. It started yesterday with the EGGstravaganza- an event for the kids that consisted of games, bounce houses, a puppet show, crafts, and an Easter egg hunt (out in the SUN!) I was heading up crafts so I got to see every age group come through and it was so fun helping them with different things. I don't know how many kids were actually there (probably close to 100) and we had exactly 2,000 eggs to be hidden and found! (I would know because I counted them....twice!) Then this morning I was able to serve in the nursery for the first service and spend some time with the littlest members of the church, all decked out for Easter :) Church was after that and it was such a blessing. We sang "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" and they used the organ setting on the keyboard (second service isn't in the sanctuary and they use a praise band instead of the real organ), and anytime I hear music from the organ I tear up thinking of my grandma and grandpa. Last week I was in the traditional first service and I couldn't help from crying when we were singing about the angels and saints coming together to worship God. I miss my grandparents more than I thought I would. They always lived across the country so we didn't see them all the time, but now that they're gone I miss them a lot. Two Easters ago I didn't want to call because it was always difficult to talk to them, but my parents made me. This is how our conversation went:

Me: Hi Grandma and Grandpa! It's Emily.
Grandma: Who??
Grandpa: Elsa its Emily! Your granddaughter!
Grandma: Ohh Hi Emily!
Me: Happy Easter Grandma!
Grandma: Happy Thanksgiving to you too!
Me: No, Happy EASTER, Grandma!
Grandma: Thanksgiving? No its not Thanksgiving. Ben, what day is today?
Grandpa: Elsa, its EASTER!
Grandma: (laughing) Ohh that's right, its Easter! Hello? Who are we talking to?

At the time (and even now) this just makes me laugh, because I know she wasn't doing this on purpose. Bless her heart she was doing the best should could. It gives me such peace knowing they are both in a better place. Together and out of all pain, but I still miss them. Something about being in church always makes me feel closer to them again.

After church I went to a friend's for brunch and she made the most delicious French toast bread pudding casserole type thing! I am still in a bit of a sugar coma from it...haha. It was so nice to be able to go to someone's home (as temporary a home as it may be) and spend time with good friends and roommates and celebrate the resurrection together. I hope you had as blessed an Easter as I have.

Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise.

You overcame.

Jesus, awesome in power forever, awesome and great is your name.

You overcame.

We will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.

Everyone overcome.