Careful what you wish for...

The last month or so I have been very ready for fall weather to arrive. I was ready to say goodbye to my shorts and flip flops to greet my boots and scarves with open arms. Last week people were still in capris, maybe wearing sandals, holding on to that last bit of summer-ish weather. And bam! I'm not sure what happened, but WINTER arrived this weekend. We skipped right over fall and went straight to COLD. Its been around 50 degrees, which is not crazy cold, but when it was 80 very recently that is a big change. I suppose I got what I wanted because I'm able to wear boots and a sweater, but it seemed like an awfully drastic change.

Isn't that how life is though? You look forward to something for a week, a month, maybe even a year, and then all of a sudden it's there. And you're left wondering wait, what just happened? Wasn't it just a week ago that I was doing this or that?

Today the new SPU students are moving into the residence halls across the street and I feel old being so far removed from that stage in life. It was 6 years ago that I moved into Emerson Hall and started my journey at Seattle Pacific. Now I'm an "adult," paying rent and going to work every day. (I put quotes around the word adult because I still don't quite feel like one...I'm waiting for the moment where I don't feel like I'm playing pretend being a grown up. Although a 4th grader told me I was too old to say "dude" last night and guessed that I was 30....)

Now my question is, what's next? What am I wishing for? What change is going to sneak up on me like this cold weather? What's my next step?

I'm so thankful for the different seasons of life, but they also terrify me. Unlike the weather changing or holidays arriving, I can't always prepare myself as well as I'd like to for those big life stages. Thankfully God is with me no matter where I go or what I do, and I should always lean on him in those circumstances. But I'm still learning how to do that. How can I not think about, worry, stress over, or just be scared of what the next step is?

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Thankful for the seeds.

Ch-ch-ch-changes are happening and I am choosing to be thankful. I am not the first person to admit to liking change or even welcoming it without a fight, but I am learning {finally} that change is a part of life and I can't do much to stop it. The first change is that summer is coming to a close. Boo. However, that means there are lots of wonderful things about fall coming....pumpkin spice lattes, scarves, boots, beautiful leaves, scented candles, my birthday, Thanksgiving, and eventually Christmas! Many stores already have their Christmas things out for sale, and while I think it is a little early, it does make me excited for my favorite time of year.

Changes are happening at work. We've just graduated 13 (mostly) potty-trained kiddos to the next classroom and are getting 9 (not potty-trained) new ones on Wednesday. I am preparing myself for the work that is ahead, but I'm excited for a fresh start and new kiddos who are excited to learn more independence in my classroom.

Changes are happening at church (which is also sort of my work). We're starting a new year- kids in new classes, new schedules, new teachers, Wednesday night church, etc. I've actually been missing a lot of these things lately which means I know I'm ready to jump back in with both feet.

Changes are happening with my friends. Getting married, getting engaged, having babies. I am so happy to be a part of all these experiences with them and look forward to more of it happening in the next year.

Changes are happening with MY life. I've thought and prayed a lot about what my next step in life is. Where do I go? What do I do? I've told God, give me a direction and I will follow. This song by Sidewalk Prophets describes my life perfectly right now. Even if it scares me or worries me, I will trust that God is leading me. I'm preparing myself to leave Seattle next summer and move back to California and attend grad school. School? Work? Friends? Church? All of those things are up in the air, but I feel okay about it.

A few days ago I was reading Ann Voskamp and she was writing about how God has provided every plant and tree and fruit we would need, but it doesn't start out that way. Things start out small, like a seed. She prays, Lord, what would happen today if I saw all the not-enough, too-little in my life to be but a seed? All the hardly-things could be holy-things -- small somethings You are growing into more glory for You. Cause me to believe again: All feasts begin as a seed.

Wow. What if I saw my life this way also. All the small things that I think don't matter. All the frustrating moments where things don't go my way. My kiddos at work are these seeds. My plans for the future are still seeds. My life is merely but a seed at this point, growing into the feast that God has planned for me from the start. Today, I am thankful for the seeds.