Careful what you wish for...

The last month or so I have been very ready for fall weather to arrive. I was ready to say goodbye to my shorts and flip flops to greet my boots and scarves with open arms. Last week people were still in capris, maybe wearing sandals, holding on to that last bit of summer-ish weather. And bam! I'm not sure what happened, but WINTER arrived this weekend. We skipped right over fall and went straight to COLD. Its been around 50 degrees, which is not crazy cold, but when it was 80 very recently that is a big change. I suppose I got what I wanted because I'm able to wear boots and a sweater, but it seemed like an awfully drastic change.

Isn't that how life is though? You look forward to something for a week, a month, maybe even a year, and then all of a sudden it's there. And you're left wondering wait, what just happened? Wasn't it just a week ago that I was doing this or that?

Today the new SPU students are moving into the residence halls across the street and I feel old being so far removed from that stage in life. It was 6 years ago that I moved into Emerson Hall and started my journey at Seattle Pacific. Now I'm an "adult," paying rent and going to work every day. (I put quotes around the word adult because I still don't quite feel like one...I'm waiting for the moment where I don't feel like I'm playing pretend being a grown up. Although a 4th grader told me I was too old to say "dude" last night and guessed that I was 30....)

Now my question is, what's next? What am I wishing for? What change is going to sneak up on me like this cold weather? What's my next step?

I'm so thankful for the different seasons of life, but they also terrify me. Unlike the weather changing or holidays arriving, I can't always prepare myself as well as I'd like to for those big life stages. Thankfully God is with me no matter where I go or what I do, and I should always lean on him in those circumstances. But I'm still learning how to do that. How can I not think about, worry, stress over, or just be scared of what the next step is?

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

missing out

I'd like to host a dinner party about every other day. I think life is delicious, and I want to gobble it up in big bites, eating, drinking, reading, talking, traveling -- everything. I want everything. I'm hungry for everything, all the time. Bookstores make me ravenous, as do city streets and airports and glossy fashion magazines. So much to see, taste, touch, try, do. I can feel myself come to life, eyes open, taking everything in, fingers running over textures, ears pricked for sounds. I feel like life is so genuinely interesting, that there's so much to be tasted and tried and discovered.

We all have a kooky set of fears and loves that makes us do what we do. For me, I love experiences, and it makes me scared to think of missing out on anything at all. So that fear drives me and takes over my life, pushing me to do more, buy more, eat more, try more. But I don't want to be ruled by fears. There will be more life to experience tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day. And I don't have to be running after it all the time. Breathe, rest, practice the idea of enough. Practice the idea of living well, and a little more slowly. Practice believing that it will all still be here, waiting to be devoured freshly, after a good night's sleep.

Excerpt from Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist